Therapy for People-Pleasers: What It Looks Like, What It Isn’t

If you’ve spent your life trying to be nice, helpful, flexible, or low-maintenance—even at the expense of your own needs—this is for you.

You don’t have to be a doormat or have zero boundaries to be a people-pleaser. Most of the people I work with are incredibly thoughtful, responsible, and insightful. They also feel resentful, exhausted, and unsure how to speak up with the people who matter most to them.

Let’s talk about what therapy for people-pleasers actually looks like—and clear up a few common misconceptions along the way.

What Therapy for People-Pleasers Is:

✅ A place to get honest about the pressure to perform, manage, or smooth things over

✅ A chance to notice your patterns without shame

✅ A space where your "yes" and your "no" both matter

✅ A slower, more embodied approach (especially in somatic therapy)

✅ Support in untangling where your people-pleasing began—and why it made sense at the time

✅ Practice speaking up, even when your body screams “don’t rock the boat!”

You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re not “making a big deal out of nothing.” You’re someone who learned to scan and adapt to keep relationships intact. That’s survival. And it’s also exhausting.

What It Isn’t:

❌ About blaming your family or blowing up every relationship you’re in

❌ A fast-track to becoming someone who “says whatever they want”

❌ Homework-heavy or performative

❌ A magic cure for never feeling anxious when you set a boundary

❌ One-size-fits-all strategies

In therapy, we go at your pace. Sometimes we start by just noticing how your jaw clenches when you consider saying no. Other times, we rewrite a text or process how it felt when you finally spoke up.

Your nervous system gets a seat at the table here—not just your thoughts. That’s why I often use somatic therapy, a body-based approach that helps you unlearn the patterns of fawning, over-functioning, or disappearing in relationships.

You Might Be a People-Pleaser If...

• You often replay conversations in your head, worrying you upset someone

• You say yes before you even realize what you feel

• You feel exhausted after social events, even if they were "good"

• You notice your body go rigid, numb, or buzzy when conflict is near

• You feel more responsible for other people’s comfort than your own needs

And you’re not alone.

What Changes in Therapy

People-pleasers often think: "If I stop taking care of everyone else, who will I be?"

In therapy, we get curious about that. You’ll start to:

• Recognize your body’s signals instead of overriding them

• Feel more confident saying no (without spiraling after)

• Reconnect with wants, preferences, and limits

• Build relationships that feel more mutual and nourishing

We don’t jump to confrontation—we build capacity.

Want to Explore This More?

I’m a somatic therapist based in Baltimore, Maryland, and I work with thoughtful, overwhelmed people-pleasers who are tired of shape-shifting.

If you’re looking for therapy that helps you feel like you again—without having to burn everything down—I offer free 20-minute consults to see if we’re a fit.

You can also start small with my free Somatic Trigger Tracker, which helps you notice your body’s subtle signals before overwhelm takes over. Or, if you're ready to go a little bit deeper... check out my 4 week Boundary Basics Challenge.

You're allowed to take up space. Therapy can help you remember how.