A Therapy Blog About Boundaries, Trauma & Being Human

A therapist's honest answer, which is more complicated, and more hopeful, than most of what you'll find online. Most people people wondering " how do I know if I'm a people pleaser?" have already been sitting with it for a while. They've read the listicles. They vaguely recognize themselves. What they're really asking is: is this actually a problem, or am I just a considerate person? That's the right question. And the answer is genuinely more nuanced than most of the interne

I was in therapy for years before I became a therapist. I loved my therapist. Thought they were so cool. Genuinely wanted them to think I was cool too. I had cathartic moments. I felt validated. I grew (a little). And I was a good client in the most literal sense: I'd scan my week looking for what might be worth bringing in, which, honestly, isn't a bad habit. It helps people make the most of their sessions. But underneath that diligence was something I couldn't see at the ti

Everyone told you the hard part was deciding to stop people pleasing. Set the boundary. Say the no. Prioritize yourself. Simple, right? Except you did those things. Or you're trying to. And somehow what happens when you stop people pleasing doesn't feel like a massive sign of relief. Instead you're oscillating between grief and exhaustion. This, my friend, is the messy middle of people pleasing recovery. I want to be real with you about the whole journey, messy middle inclu